if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
