At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
