Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
