she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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