Banned from zoo.
Again?
is wine microwaveable?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
