slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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