rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
