It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
