Im at strip club and am horny
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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