she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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