just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
NoShamevember. You game?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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