my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I think I just sharted jello shots
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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