Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
