update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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