it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
