I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
