I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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