I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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