I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
