Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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