I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
