I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
