Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
