you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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