I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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