bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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