THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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