Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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