Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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