She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I supernannyed him into submission
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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