I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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