We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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