Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
