You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
