just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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