If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
