She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize