its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
