I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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