I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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