Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wish you could order shots online.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
