In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So squirting runs in the family.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
