did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
