So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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