Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
