Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
im holly from the hills drunk
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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