Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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