Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
