I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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