I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
