If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
