how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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