You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
