You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize