Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
