Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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