but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
