Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
