he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
