i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
