There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
