This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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