When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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