he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
