Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
